All About Woman...

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. - David Bissonette

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let himkeep her. - Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they justcan't face each other, but still they stay together. - Hemant Joshi

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get abad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. - Dumas

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "Whatdoes a woman want? - Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. - Anonymous

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to arestaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music anddancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." - Henny Youngman

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years." - Sam Kinison

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronicbanking. It's called marriage." - James Holt McGavran

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and thesecond one didn't." - Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. - Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget itonce... - Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. - Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy. - Anonymous

Jokes in Story...

Atheist in Trouble
An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat wasattacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed himand his boat high into the air. Then it opened its mouth to swallow both.

As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, "Oh, my God! Help me!"
At once, the ferocious attack scene froze in place, and as the atheisthung in mid-air, a booming voice came down from the clouds, "I thought you didn't believe in Me!"
"Come on God, give me a break!!" the man pleaded. "Two minutes ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!"

Ohmmmemployment
Two men meet on the street. One asks the other: "Hi, how are you?"
The other replies: "I'm fine, thanks."
"And how's your son? Is he still unemployed?"
"Yes, he is. But he is meditating now."
"Meditating? What's that?"
"I don't know. But it's better than sitting around and doing nothing!"

Adam
Q: Why was Adam a famous runner?
A: Because he was first in the human race...

The Hikers
One day, Joe, Bob and Dave were hiking in a wilderness area when they came upon a large, raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so.
Joe prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength to cross this river."
Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours, although he almost drowned a couple of times.
Seeing this, Dave prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength and the tools to cross this river."Poof! God gave him a row boat and he was able to row across the river in about an hour, after almost capsizing the boat a couple of times.
Bob had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength and the tools, and the intelligence, to cross this river."
Poof! God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, then walked across the bridge.